Another shit day. I started drwaing at 5pm, which is really late for me. It's hard to start working with most of the day over.
Anyway, Today's batch of naked butts:
And I finally forced myself to write the dialogue for page 3. If you have any suggestions how to improve it, let me know. If not, then it's going up on HF as is.
Speech bubbles are placeholders for now.
You're Amazing
ReplyDeleteSpeech bubbles are fine; not much to do except grunt and moan with a dick in your mouth, followed by a finger in your ass...
ReplyDeleteLoving the nervous drift of the speech bubbles on the bottom panel. I think the increasing erraticness has more impact than the actual words in them.
ReplyDeleteYeah the nervous drift is good.
ReplyDeleteAgreed on the speech bubble drift, it really gets Sam's feelings of arousal and nervousness across very well.
ReplyDeleteGeneral dialog commentary:
Panel 1:
I'd change their speech here to make it seem a bit more natural and playful. Like,
E: ""
S: "Oh, really?"
E: "" (something other than 'boy' would work too. Maybe something a bit more degrading like 'slut', but I'm not sure how well that fits with Ellie's personality.)
S: "Awww. Well, if I'm already in trouble..."
S: "I might as well get in-"
Panel 2:
S: "DEEP!"
E: "" ('ugh' does not seem the right sound for getting a cock shoved into the back of your throat :-P)
Panel 3:
I'd like to see Sam beg for it more, since he looks really cute when he's that eager to get his dick sucked. Especially because he knows he's getting his ass pounded later but doesn't appear to see this as a particularly bad thing.
S: "Come ooooon, Ellie. Take it all the way for me."
S: "Just this once... Please?"
S: "..."
S: "Ellie?"
S: "Um..."
Also, Kudos on the spit for this one. The bubbles on Ellie's lips, the strand running from her chin to Sam's cock... fucking amazing as usual, dude.
Thanks for the critique! I used a lot of what you wrote in the revised dialogue. Especially "I might as well get in DEEP" was helpfull. It works a lot better than what I came up with.
DeleteHey, I think you did a great job on this. Good work as always :)
ReplyDeleteComic's lookin' mighty good.
ReplyDelete